Hey all,

Thank you so much for listening. I'll try not to go off on any rabbit trails this time. Since the last time I posted something, I have had three appointments. I'm discovering that there are a lot of people who are trying to get in for their end of the year deductibles and every where you have to be patient and wait. I don't remember having prayed for my patience to be stretched...but there you go...it's stretching.

On Monday, I met my oncologist for the first time. Dr. Kanard is amazing and our personalities really clicked. I walked out feeling much more positive about the situation. She said that she was very confident that I am in stage 0 and that I won't have any trouble. If the surgery reveals no surprises, I shouldn't have to have chemo or radiation. There is a medication that I might have to take for five years, which I guess is a form of chemo, but a mild form. I know that there is that "if there are no surprises" in there, but I am cautiously optimistic.

The next day I woke up feeling really upbeat and the feeling continued through the MRI. (I think that a man must have designed the table I had to lay on. Anyone out there had an MRI of the breast? Also, the biopsy table...blah) Anyway, I was hoping to hear the results sometime yesterday, but as of this morning, I haven't had any news. This makes me anxious and my thoughts go places they shouldn't right now. But the reality is, they are just plan busy.

Then Jim and I had an hour break between visits. We had some lunch, and Jim laid down for a few minutes. We are both so tired, sleep doesn't come easy these days. Then we were off to see the plastic surgeon.

The surgeon, Dr. Dickinson and my oncologist both highly recommended my plastic surgeon. After waiting till almost 5 to see him, I was afraid that he might rush through the visit. Dr. Boustred spent over an hour going over each procedure with me. I basically will have three different options.

It's really difficult knowing that my breast will be gone. I cannot express how deeply this grieves me. I will be having it reconstructed, but it will never be the same. I've been cautioned over and over that it will not look like a real breast and it will be totally numb for the duration of my life. I don't know when in this process that I started thinking of my breast as an individual, but it feels like I'm loosing an old friend. I'm sad to loose it, but more than that, I want to live.

Anyway, I walked out of his office feeling down. There wasn't anything said that I didn't already know. After all, I have been researching this stuff for days. It's just with each step in the process, it makes it more real.

Specific prayer requests:

• I would continue to laugh and find joy in the small things
• Find peace in this situation
• Have courage
• Wisdom in choosing right reconstruction surgery for me
• Wisdom for the doctors
• If there is cancer in the right breast, they would find it
• Peace for our family
  

Kathy

Dear friends and family,

This week has had a lot of ups and downs. I can hardly believe that so much has happened in such a few, very long days.

After having a breast biopsy last week, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday. What an awful word. It sticks to your tongue and turns your stomach inside out as you try to tell your loved ones. How can one word be so life changing, so painful, and so frightening?

So far this week I have developed a nice sized stack of paper work, pamphlets, and several phone numbers for all kinds of different doctors. This is something that I need to sit down and spend time organizing. I'm already loosing track of who is who.

My last doctor visit of the week was yesterday with Dr. Dickinson, who is going to be my surgeon. After a long talk with him, it became apparent that I should have a mastectomy. The doctor is leaving the choice up to me, but the cancer is extensively dispersed. In spite of this bad news, there is good news. At this time, it is believed that the caner is in stage 0. This won't be known for sure until after the surgery, when the pathology report is completed.

On Monday I will be seeing my oncologist to discuss the plan for drug therapy. On Tuesday, I have an MRI to check the other breast, as it is having some of the same issues. Then I will be seeing a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction. I don't know how many times I will have to meet with each doctor before the surgery.

It is believed that I will be having surgery early to mid January.

I have spent two days researching different options for surgery, drug therapy, and reconstruction surgery. By the end of the second day I went to bed and wept while my wonderful husband held me with feelings of helplessness. What can I do, but get up the next morning and suck it up and continue to climb up the mountain. The option is unthinkable.

I have some specific prayer requests:

• Wisdom for all of the doctors
• If there is also cancer in my right breast, that they would find it. If not, peace.
• Strength for my family and myself
• courage
• Wisdom in choosing the right surgery, reconstruction, drug therapy
• That I could find laughter and joy in the small things